Tough Times

When I was in college, the toughest time was not being exempted from the CMSC137 exam when I was expected to be and when all my friends were. It seems shallow now but it wasn't shallow then. There were lots of tears and some flying objects involved during that struggle. I thought it was really unfair because I always study well but with one exam that I did not study as well, I get that???! But at the same time I knew it was kinda my fault because I did not do my best. BUT STILL I prayed for exemption so ARGH. Oh well, God just told me to study for the exam. So reluctantly, I did.

Proverbs 3:11-12 (MSG) But don't dear friend, resent GOD's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that GOD corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.

I got 102/100 points in the final exam.

When I was applying for grad school, the toughest time was being rejected by the school I wanted to go in. Because He promised me a scholarhip and I have been praying for it for a long time! There were also lots of tears and questions to God. I did my best. I had faith and soaked everything in prayer! Why the rejection? He told me to wait and try again. So reluctantly, I did.

Hebrews 11: 1 (MSG) The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see.

I got a scholarship to Keio University in Japan. 

When I was about to leave Japan, the toughest time was applying for a Schengen visa. Because I have been praying for my Euro trip for a long time and I have already invested A LOT of money on it (250,000 yen). But when I went to the German embassy they told me they don't think they could give me a visa but they'll just call me again. I freaked out. Again, lots of tears were involved. I was not in the position to waste money. I was already emotionally down for leaving Japan and then what now? I won't get to go to Europe? Why, God? Why? He told me to not be anxious and to believe that He would give me such a simple thing. So reluctantly, I did.

John 16:33 (MSG) I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world.

I got the schengen visa.

Now I am once again in a tough time. Surprisingly, not so many tears have been involved. It's quite difficult because this is not something I could study, try again or work hard on. All I can hold on to is God's promise. All I can really do is pray and obey Him. It is tough and I have absolutely no idea how He will move in this. But like He has always done, I know He will. So, by faith, I believe.

Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG) I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

This is gonna have a happy ending.

when the Lord is your strength

"The Sovereign LORD is my strength!"

Habacuc 3:19, New Living Translation, 2007

Our visiting minister shared a nice testament about last week's topic at church.

Back in '96, he was en route to Pangil, Laguna to visit our church there when the jeep he was riding was stopped by the NPA, a leftist group in the Philippines. The group was divided by gender and the women were left behind; he, along with other men, were taken to a far-flung place, near Quezon (he supposed). They were made to line-up and their hands were tied.

A man beside him asked, "Aren't you afraid?"

He responded, "If this is what God wills, then I am ready." The man next to him moved away, thinking he was crazy.

He was drawn away from the men, alone and separated. He was brought to the leader, who asked him, "Aren't you (our minister's name)? Don't you know me?"

Our minister answered, "No."

The leader said, "I was your classmate!" Our minister laughed at this point in the storytelling and joked to us that he hadn't recognized his classmate because the latter was now sporting long hair.

The NPA leader asked our minister, "What are you doing here?"

He answered, "I was on my way to visit our church in Pangil."

The NPA leader went on to interrogate our minister about his views and position regarding the government. Our minister calmly answered, mindful of his words. Once, the NPA leader asked, "Why do you think the government is like this?" referring to alleged rampant corruption. Our minister replied, "Because man follows his own rules and not God's."

At one point in their conversation, I am not sure of the chronology, our minister said to the NPA leader, "I just went here because I have a task to perform in our church. Please let me see to it and after it's done, I will come back."

In the end, the NPA leader had our minister escorted by two men with suspicious looking bayongs (locally produced weaved baskets) from the site and instructed him to "never look back or sideways, just go forward."

As our minister lived to tell the story, you can safely assume that everything is well. And he goes on to share a story proving that the Lord is indeed a reservoir of strength.

PS. Sadly, it was not the same for his fellow kidnapped victims; days later, corpses were found by the roadside near the place where our minister suspected they were taken to.

crossroads

Our resident teacher in church said in Tagalog, "Everyday is a crossroad." Amen to every 20-something year old undergoing a life crisis.

Life presents a more interesting array of choices to our generation; there's just so much more to do, to be, to achieve. What a loss to miss out on the adventures and challenges the new world offers! But whether it's a case of choice paralysis or spreading yourself too thin, there are times we feel lost and tired, and we feel a pressing need to reorient ourselves.

Let God be our compass and heed His foolproof words in Jeremiah 6:16,

The Lord said to His people, "Stand at the crossroads and look. Ask for the ancient paths and where the best road is. Walk in it, and you will live in peace."

It's more than tempting to choose the road less traveled but there's also a reason why those well-trodden ancient paths are the best: They're sure to get us to our destination.

Less literally (I did enjoy that allegory), whatever we do in our lives as long as we are anchored by God's guidance, we will experience the peace this world cannot or will ever offer. Let us pray that for each and every crossroad--for every opportunity, tragedy, or choice--we will let God lead us the way.

words seasoned with salt and grace

So sorry to have missed out on the last two Saturdays! And to post so late this Sunday.

Yesterday's topic is from Colossians 4:5-6,

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

I know I should stick to these verses but I couldn't help but insert these verses that Ria posted on her site:

Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong. - Romans 14:22-24 (The Message) 

I had to wonder if I ever had crossed the line. (With this one, for example.) Because the bottomline is I can't judge another person about his or her beliefs. For all our claims about the truth, the only one who can claim to know it in its entirety is God.

Coming from a small-numbered religious community, I know how it feels like on the other side of the fence. One time, in a theology class, the instructor (also a religious figure) showed a chart similar to a dartboard--bull's eye and all--and explained that the religion (his religion) nearest to the bull's eye is the one "most saved," if that makes any sense. After that class, I felt offended. I still do and quite frankly, hold it against him and his religion--a confession I have not made explicit until now. (One which I now openly acknowledge, on the basis of my no-hypocrisy campaign, and just get over. I promise to let go of this grudge.)

I guess, what I'm trying to say quite clumsily is: Sometimes, as a religious minority, I tend to be defensive about my faith. But these lessons are showing me that a certain tolerance--or is it patience? humility? grace, definitely!--is in order.

A teacher in our local church once shared, Nobody really wins in a debate. They just end up irritating one another, and, may I just add, leave each one hugging his beliefs closer to his indignant bosom. A religious debate is not at all different.

What brings this issue closer to home is this blog. I tried to start it with the intentions of sharing God's message through the eyes of an ordinary person, like me. Make the most of every opportunity, as Paul said to the Colossians. But I have to figure where I start becoming judgmental and suddenly make this project one big campaign, which is not what it's supposed to be. I don't have the right to impose anything on others.

I pray that God will guide me, season my words with salt and grace, so I can share His message in the right way. Feel free to give me a heads up or a good smack on the head if I have ever stepped on your toes. We can talk. And I promise I won't turn it into a debate.

saturday post: standing by our words

Today's topic was a continuation of last week's topic, but going into details as laid out in Psalms 15:4-5. To answer David's question, "Who can enter God's sanctuary?" there are four characteristics a person must have:

1. One who honors God and rejects what is evil 
2. One who honors and stands by his word and promise 
3. One who does not take advantage of others in loans (usurious)
4. One who does not bribe innocents 

The first one is pretty all-encompassing, and I hope I do not belittle it by saying so. But in today's sermon, I was most affected by the second characteristic.

Because I hate the thought of people not liking me, I fall into the trap of saying things I don't necessarily mean just to please other people. Sometimes, I tell myself, "Well, the intent was there. I just can't (or didn't) follow through." It is a trap--sometimes I don't make good on the promise and let other people down. Sometimes, I don't really agree with what they say but find myself agreeing nonetheless and say otherwise to other people.

It's something I have yet to get a handle of; yet another struggle against hypocrisy. I am trying to say what I want to say and commit on what I really intend to accomplish. Of course, sometimes I still say or do the wrong things. Sometimes I also hurt people. So yes, I'm trying to figure out the balancing act. And as of press time, there's no clear result or solution to that struggle.

Wish me luck!

saturday post: the dwelling and our lives

Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? 

Psalm 15:1 (New International Version)

A major primetime news show featured a local priest announcing support for President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo's bid for a congressional seat in Lubao, Pampanga during mass. And I wondered if the priest didn't feel his skin crawl while he made that pronouncement; mine did. Seated next to strategically placed impoverished children, the President calmly accepted--dare I say, with a beatific smile on her face--the priest's support.

I found it, quite frankly, hypocritical on both of their accounts and an upfront disgrace to God and His dwelling, the church; primarily on the part of the President, whom I can only assume is pretending to be pious and faithful because if she were, then the Philippines would be in a very different situation today.

Before this becomes a full-out rant against our government, I'd like to take pause and examine the situation. With all my prejudice against hypocrites and calling them out, I don't want someone else to point a finger at me and say, "Look who's talking."

In some cases for some people, their lives are divided in two parts: inside the church, outside the church. Inside the church, they act all holy and self-contained, but outside, they are the total opposite. Yes, some cases and some people. For example, me.

At one point in my life, I stopped and looked at myself and didn't like the hypocrite I saw. I didn't like the fact that Saturday was reserved for respectful behavior among the elders, brothers and sisters, but beyond it, there were no holds barred: Drink. Gossip and talk bad about people behind their backs. Forget to pray at night. Get mad at others and let them have it. Curse. It was even more troubling for me because sometimes I was tasked to perform the sermon; and there is nothing more heavy on the conscience than a sinful heart standing at the pulpit.

The psalm of David asks, "Who may dwell in the Lord's sanctuary," and I knew the person I was was not, but I hope and pray, the person I am trying to become is. Because not going to church is not an option to me, I sought and am continually seeking to improve my life by letting God seep into my life outside of church. My goal is to erase the divide between myself in church and myself outside of church; that wherever I am, I am one person, and that I dwell in God in the same way that I have faith that with Him, the Holy Spirit dwells in me. My goal is to have integrity in life rooted in God.

I do not claim to have reached these goals. In fact, I might've slipped last night--but not as much as I have slipped and fallen before. For reasons I cannot explain, I feel that even when I cannot help myself, God helps me.

I sympathize with other believers who are struggling with the issue of oneness of life, those people who have sat in church and wondered, "How can I face the Lord after what I did yesterday?" The question is not designed to make us avoid the Lord, but to face up to reality and make the necessary changes.

I pray that we will all be worthy to enter God's dwelling, and that we ourselves are worthy dwellings of God by living righteous lives inside and more importantly, outside of church.

no need for fanfare

On a trip to Las Vegas, we came across this at downtown Fremont:

 

 

I asked one of the people showing us around about them and he told me that these people campaign for God in hopes of saving their souls by converting at least one other person; another's salvation is his, so to speak. 

I felt sad because first, one's salvation can never be bought by another person's salvation. But more so, I think and feel that beyond blasting megaphones and waving placards, the best testament to God is a life that is lived faithfully, daily.

Ria's post on readiness comes to mind. (Ri, permit me to re-post it here.) When the disciples asked Jesus why He liked to use parables, He responded,

"Whenever someone has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely. But if there is no readiness, any trace of receptivity soon disappears. That's why I tell stories: to create readiness, to nudge the people toward receptive insight. In their present state, they can stare till doomsday and not see it, listen till they're blue in the face and not get it." - Matthew 13:12,13 (The Message)

I hope that we all make stories out of our lives that will open other people's hearts and minds to God's message. No need for megaphones, placards, or any kind of fanfare.